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[general_affairs]

★ RENO
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---

FF VII COMPILATION

source @ isopods

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[general_affairs]

[ He raised a brow, then snorted with a laugh at the face made about Cloud. ]

Oh it's easy, just forgive yourself, d'uh.

[ He rolled his eyes with a smirk at his own facetious joke, then shook his head after and knocked back another swallow of beer. ]

Not a party trick I'd recommend, it's a pain in the ass. But we can see about getting some frames for those if you want. I can show you what I'm talkin' about after if you want, but it's not gonna be easy to watch, and it's already been a rough day for you.

[love_and_peace]

[ Oh, sure, why didn't he just think of that! Just forgive himself, no problem!

That's all right. He doesn't actually deserve forgiveness for any of the things he's done in this folder, aside from the occasional theft out of desperation, and maybe a couple bar fights where nobody ended up seriously injured. The rest? He's going to carry the rest in his heart for as long as he lives, and that's how it should be.

He's the only person who remembers most of those folks now anyway.

The comment about frames gets a half a shrug -- sure, maybe! That's a nice idea, actually -- but then Reno's offer to show him what he's been talking about gets a confused, wary kind of look. ]

What do you mean, show me?

[ Show him pictures of the armies he fought against? Entries in newspapers, maybe, talking about assassinations? He's got copies of those?

Wait. Was he an inmate before? Is he talking about having a copy of his own ledger? ]

Show me what?

vash i s2g reno's gonna beat ur ass that's the opposite of forgiving urself bro

[general_affairs]

[ He did notice how Vash had plucked out photos to tuck away, and it was always nice having keepsakes well taken care of and protected.

His brows raised as he perked idly to attention with the question. ]

Oh, either in the enclosure, or I can tell you. Kinda hard for most people to get an idea of what Midgar looks like, though.

[love_and_peace]

[ Huh.

Mind made up, Vash finishes off the rest of his beer. Two beers is a long way from their plan of ending up under the table, but maybe they'll come back her after Reno shows him whatever he wants to show him. ]

You want to show me now?

[ Sure, they're here in part to go over Vash's case history, but Vash doesn't really want to read any more of his own right now and Reno's offering. ]

If we're going to be working together we should clear the air up front, right?

[general_affairs]

[ Maybe!

He paused and raised his brows with bemused concern. ]

Yeah, I can show you, but fair warning. After that crash you told me about, it's gonna be hard for you to watch.

[ Reno didn't intend on Vash opening his ledger and things going over such today, but he didn't mind the route things had taken. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ None of today is going the way he'd expected it to when he woke up this morning!

Vash pauses midway through picking up his ledger, then shoves the pages roughly back into the envelope. It's going to be bad, then, what Reno has to show him. As bad as the Fall, Reno thinks.

Reno's wrong, surely. He doesn't know what the fall was like... and even if he's not mistaken, Vash called the fall an accident. Maybe Reno wants him to know about a terrible accident too, an error that cost a lot of lives.

Okay. He can endure seeing that. ]

Not as hard as living through it though, right?

[ He holds up the envelope, still stuffing pages inside. ]

I'm gonna drop this off in my cabin then I'll meet you at the Enclosure?

[general_affairs]

No, but that's gonna make it hit all the harder for you. You're gonna know what those people went through.

[ A small sigh and bob of his head. ]

Nah, bring it with us. I'll be holding onto it, but we'll work somethin' out after you see platedrop.

[ He'd handle the matter of the four beers they split between them. He'd slide his hands idly into his pockets, posture lax as he spoke. As maverick as Reno could be, structure was still a requisite as they built rapport between them. Vash had been largely prompt thus far, so there was no knee-jerk reaction to micromanage the situation, but he would still be forthright as far as establishing boundaries and expectations went.

Alas, Reno was woefully ignorant of the subjugation of plants where Vash was from, so he was wildly blind to the situation Vash was being put in. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ All pages firmly stuffed into the envelope and the top folded shut, Vash looks up as blandly as he can manage, and offers Reno a polite smile. ]

No need to worry about it, thanks. I've got it.

[ He's got it snug up against his side, is what. He's got it in a grip that isn't letting go. ]

I'll show you the parts you need to see later, but I want to read through it first. Some of this is private.

[general_affairs]

[ He wasn't surprised by the pushback, nor did he seem bothered by it. His head just lolled a bit to the side. ]

Yeah, I know. The whole thing's confidential, yo. I don't plan on going through any of it without you in the room.

[ He chewed it over with a thoughtful pout on his lips. ]

But we don't exactly have any reason to trust eachother right now though. So. I can do that if you'll let me stay in the room while you go through it and pick out what you want to.

[love_and_peace]

[ It's going to be more like Vash will pick out what he wants to share, but want is want, right? ]

Deal.

[ He pats the packet with his free hand, keeping it close to his chest just in case... well, just in case. Best leave it at that.

They don't know each other well enough for trust yet, after all. Reno's right about that. ]

I won't open it until later, when we're together. You have my word.

[ Good enough? ]

[general_affairs]

[ Want is, indeed, want. Another moment of silence seemed to drag between them as he considered whether or not to take Vash's word for it that he wouldn't open it. It wasn't, not in Reno's world, but Vash had been prompt enough otherwise to warrant the leeway. ]

Yeah. We'll work out the rest when we go through it.

[ He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and turned. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ The moment ticks on, and Vash weights his options. If he has to, he decides, he'll offer up one of the pictures in his pocket as collateral, a promise that the file will be intact the next time he meets with Reno. If he has to.

And if Reno won't accept that, then his other option is the Speakeasy. It'll be a good sprint, and Reno's every bit as quick and limber as he is, but he's not handing the file over, to anyone. He'll destroy it before that happens.

But then it's a moot point, and Vash does his best not to sigh with relief. ]

Ten minutes. See you there.

[general_affairs]

[ There were other general ideas he had to have some structure, but he figured it better not to worry about that now. He had an idea already of how poorly this would go, so there was little point in pushing it now. ]

You got it.

[ They would both meet up outside of the Enclosure with Reno greeting him with a flick of a two-fingered wave, then motioned with a bob of his head to follow him on inside. There was another brief warning to brace himself, but past that, and a brief explanation of Midgar being in two tiers--the city on top of the plates, and the slums underneath--Reno wasn't keen on talking much.

He would let the scene play itself out: clones of the people involved behaving as he remembered while they watched from a small distance, omniscient and unable to intervene.

He would throw the unfiltered ugliness in Vash's face and lay it out bare first, and then, if he was willing enough to ask, Reno would explain. But he wouldn't ask for understanding; he'd accepted and forgiven himself for what had happened, but he also accepted that their anger was still his burden to bear. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ It's a much bigger city than any Vash has seen before, and a little more technological, but he sees the winding undercity streets for what they are, and is quickly caught up in the action. He wonders, briefly, why Reno has this recording -- did he create this wholecloth in the Enclosure one command at a time? Is this a file that he brought with him? -- but those aren't as important as the events playing out all around them.

He's confused when Reno (and another man, who Vash doesn't recognize but he does recognize those sunglasses) start firing at Cloud, and shoots Reno a questioning look. Weren't they on the same side? Didn't Reno just say as much? But he holds his questions for the end, sure he'll have more.

And he'll definitely have more. He's still not entirely sure what he's seeing in terms of end game goals, but Reno and the other man are trying to do something that Cloud -- and Aerith!? -- and some others he doesn't know are all eager to stop. Then he hears the worlds drop the plate.

It's got to be a bluff. It's a tactic, it's a threat, it's a turn of phrase that he simply doesn't understand because he's not from this world. The crime Reno wants to show him is how he betrayed his team here, right?

Right?

The last few minutes Vash can barely stand still, pacing a tight path back and forth as he resists the urge to run into the action and help. It's a recording, it's history, there's nothing he can do, but he's not made to stand back and placidly observe horrors like this. He visibly holds himself back when Reno's challenged by Cloud and the other two, holds his breath as the helicopter attacks, then crashes, and surely this is Reno's crime, surely. He got his friend killed.

But no. The big man's alive, but there's no time for relief. They fight... the big man pushes the button...

Until the plate actually hits the lower level, Vash is certain that it'll be stopped, somehow. But it's not. It falls.

Reno -- and his friend -- murdered a whole city. That's what he watned Vash to see.

Vash will have questions -- Vash will have so many things to say -- once he can stop crying. ]

[general_affairs]

[ Anger was an easier cross to bear. It was easier to watch anger and outrage because it felt less personal, and more like the responsibility he should be carrying for what happened. Grief, however, was different. It was so much more intimate than anger.

He breathed out a soft sigh through his nose, pursing his lips into a thin line. His brows knitted softly, as one does with a powerless sort of empathy. He glanced over to Vash, but otherwise looked ahead at the wreckage. The least he could do was look at it without turning away until the room turned to white again, as if none of it had ever happened.

The Turks understood this burden and bore it in their own ways as a unit, but it didn't stop him from wanting to reach out and offer support to see Vash so upset. The worst part was knowing well enough to see that grief was so sincere for each and every one of the people that died. But he didn't. It wasn't his place as the guilty party. So he stayed put with his hands in his pockets, his weight on one leg, and shoulders lax and uneven, giving Vash the space to grieve. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ It's one thing to know, intellectually, that a soldier must have killed people. Even if that number is high, even if that soldier to pride in their work, Vash understands that soldiers don't get to choose their actions... and he undestands, too, that not everybody puts the same value on life that he does. He's had this argument so many times, both here and back on his world, and he knows. He gets it, he does. He doesn't know how many people Wolfwood killed in his time under the Eye, doesn't have the faintest idea how many bodies bloodied the road behind him, but he knows that number is high. Dozens, certainly. Hundreds? Possibly.

(Oh, he doesn't want to think about Wolfwood right now.)

But there's such a difference between knowing that a soldier has killed, and watching it happen. There's such a difference between a soldier killing other soldiers, too, and a soldier killing a city. That's a whole city, burning there in front of him. Reno killed a city. His companion was the one who finally pushed the button but they were together until the last moment, Reno's hands are every bit as bloodied as the other man's, together they murdered a whole city.

He can't look at that wreckage without seeing echoes of July, too, much as he wishes otherwise. When he's finally able to lift his face out of his hands, there's downy feathers matted to his cheek, damp with tears. He doesn't seem to be aware they're there as he turns slowly, finally giving Reno his complete and undivided attention. ]

How many people?

[general_affairs]

[ Soldier was the closest and most concise approximation to the work he did, but in truth it covered only the smallest portion of his work. There was a good reason people feared the Turks' name back home, though this wouldn't be one of those things accredited to them. This was something Zack or Cloud could never do. The very thing they would do what they could to stop, and what Reno had been hoping Cloud was capable of for calling himself a First Class.

Choice was an illusion here, but he didn't get to ask anyone to accept that.

When Vash spoke up, he glanced over, brows raising a bit as he saw the soft feathers. Any other time, he might've laughed at the irony of the coincidence, but not right now. Instead, silence dragged for a moment before he finally spoke up, flatly and with no more emotion than stating the weather: ]

Ninety-thousand.

[love_and_peace]

[ He'd seen how big the city was. He'd seen how densely populated it was. The number really shouldn't have been a surprise, and yet. ]

Ninety...?!

[ He chokes on the rest of the number, unable to get it all out. It's too big. It's so many lives. It's so much blood. How can he work with somebody who's hands are so stained? How can he be expected to report to somebody who's hands are so stained? There's goodness in everyone's heart, yes, he believes that with his whole soul... and maybe Reno didn't have a choice, Vash justifies to himself, trying desperately to find a way for this to be less horrible.

Maybe this was the best choice Reno could make. Maybe this was his Legato. Maybe he showed Vash his crimes because they're both killers, in the end. Maybe, sometimes, there really is no other option other than to take a life.

Maybe that's the lesson he's here to learn.

Oh god.

Sorry Reno. Vash is going to curl up in a ball and shut down for awhile. ]

[general_affairs]

[ He sucked in a slow, deep breath through his nose, his lips pursed and his eyes softly closed as his head tipped back a bit.

There were so many things he had done in his life, that grief didn't always phase him. There were times he could stand in silence and watch, and wearing a face of indifference was easy. When justice had been dealt, and grief came of the consequences of the victim's own design. Other times it was easy to just ignore and move on from. But platefall was none of those things.

It still broke his heart and left an ache in his chest to see it being grieved, especially so earnestly by someone who had been completely safe from its devastation. So there was the sound of shuffling and rustling fabric as Reno's body swung 'round to set himself down beside Vash and stay with him.

His brows knitted, his lips pursed again, and there was hesitation as he looked over. For a moment, he held his hand curled into a fist on one of his knees--the other, propped up by the elbow on his other knee, supported his chin. It wasn't his place. He couldn't offer comfort or solace or refuge from the crime he'd committed. Doing so would be just to assuage his own guilt, really. To try and offer some comfort so he wouldn't have to look at the raw pain on Vash's face. And while it was something he had forgiven himself for, it didn't absolve him of still feeling responsible at times like these.

So he sat quietly, keeping Vash company until it passed. He would be mindful of the passage of time, though, making sure bodily functions and needs weren't neglected, and his new charge didn't shut down entirely. ]

[love_and_peace]

[ With Reno beside him, Vash's grief passes faster than it would have.

In the end, it's having an audience that shakes him out of his shut-down misery. There's somebody else here, who is suffering because of Vash's grief. There's another person who needs him to be okay, so they can get on with their life.

It doesn't matter that the other person is the cause of all the horrors Vash watched to get to this state in the first place. The longer he sits here, wallowing in his own feelings, the longer Reno -- his warden, his keeper, the man assigned to his well-being -- will have to stay here and listen to him whine.

His head's throbbing by the time he emerges from the shelter of his arms, the feathers having sunk back into his skin without a trace. The room around them is blank again, the featureless walls of the Enclosure gleaming clean in the ambient light, but Vash can still see the smoldering ruins of the city. He's going to be seeing those ruins for a long time still.

Reno showed him that for a reason. Had he read Vash's file, before delivering it? Vash doesn't think so. It's probably just a horrible coincidence, but god, what a coincidence. What a thing to show a guy, huh?

Guess that makes it his turn. ]

There were a hundred thousand people living in July City.

[ His voice is a rasp, his gaze fixed on the far wall. ]

I'd come to find my brother. [ No, that's not entirely truthful, is it? ] I'd come to fight my brother. To make him pay, for...

[ His voice trails off. That's a different story, and he's only got one in him right now. ]

Was I going to kill him? ...I don't know. I don't know. But I had him in my sights. I was going to pull the trigger.

[ There's details that Reno doesn't need to know. There's details that Vash will never speak out loud, but they aren't important to the pounchline. ]

But he pulled my trigger instead. And I killed everyone. Left the city a ruin, and all the people... all those kind people...

[ He's not going to cry again. He's not. ]

I did it too. A whole city.

[general_affairs]

[ He would have been fine to wait here as long as was needed. It's something he had done before, and something that had been done for him. He glanced back over out of the corner of his eyes as Vash started to calm, watching him for a moment at a time, then looking away as if to give him privacy while still not leaving the man alone with his grief.

When he spoke up, his brows rose a bit, and he glanced over at him, tipping his head just so at the feathers being gone. But he looked forward again afterwards--Vash didn't meet his gaze, so he didn't meet the other's. ]

Let it out if you need to, yo.

[ If Vash did tear up, he'd reach over and pat his back, then rest an arm on his shoulder and hang some of his weight from it. If not, he'd keep to himself beside Vash. ]

Do you think we're bad people?

[love_and_peace]

[ He's not letting it out. Letting it out is what killed July.

He's tearing up, though. No sniffles, the knot in his throat is gone, but the tears start and don't want to stop. The weight of Reno's arm is welcome, for all that he feels he should shake the comfort off. He doesn't deserve comfort right now.

But maybe it's comfort for Reno, so he lets it stay.

Reno's question gets a frantic kind of laugh out of him, even though he's shaking his head no. ]

Not for this. Not for this.

[general_affairs]

[ Sir not that, the tears. Please only let the tears out. Letting that out would kill him and that would be awful for everyone.

He was only barely used to casual affection with Alexei, and even then, Alexei was more often than not the one to initiate it and take lead until Reno was comfortable enough in the moment. This was different, but still new to him all the same. Given a few more minutes, he'd let himself lean more naturally into it. ]

Good.

[ Vash reminded him of Zack in many ways, and he thought himself a sharp judge of character. He would've had to bully Vash a little if he called himself a bad person for that. ]

There's a story there--not that it changes what happened, but. I'll give you the story if you want it. I wasn't gonna ask you to spill your guts and not let you know who you're dealin' with, after all.

But before I do, ask Cloud and Aerith about it. Then I'll tell you, if you keep what I say to yourself.

[love_and_peace]

[ He definitely needs to talk to Aerith -- and maybe Cloud, too. Maybe about this. Maybe he'll be able to ask them for their view about what happened here. He can't think about those questions right now, but maybe in a few days. Maybe.

He doesn't think Reno's a monster for this, because there was no joy in the man in the video... but that doesn't mean Reno's somebody he can continue to work with, either. He's going to see the destruction of that city every time he looks at Reno, for a long time to come, and it won't be fair to either of them when that changes the way Vash treats him. ]

You do the same please. ...I've never told anyone else what I told you.

[ He's had the memories ripped from his mind and shown to others, but that's not the same thing at all. ]

I'm good at keeping secrets. I won't say anything.

[general_affairs]

[ He'd nod. ]

Yeah, your secret's safe with me.

[ It wasn't something he would take personally; it was a difficult thing to look at, let alone accept. He'd sit in the silence for a bit--it would've been easier to just not show this to Vash. It's not like he needed to know, and the chances of it coming up...ever were slim to none, really. Vash likely never would have known, and he was under contract to keep it under his hood.

He wasn't looking for absolution or a confessional. It just felt like what he needed to do.

He heaved with a short little sigh through his nose. ]

I noticed, but that's fine. Just don't carry that weight by yourself.